Gajalakshmi Paramasivam

13 December   2016

Takeovers and Mergers in the Tamil Diaspora

‘I want to prove to the Tamil community that being with who you love is more important than being with someone for the sake of parents’ wishes.’ – ‘I am a Tamil Woman in Love With a Sinhalese Man’ article published  at Tamilculture.Com

The above article was shared by Harry – a Sri Lankan of Sinhalese origin. It meant something to me and hence I looked up  the website. I learnt that the website was about lifestyle choices by Tamil youth for Tamil youth. I noted however that the young lady author did not find her Sinhalese partner at the above website:

‘After attending university for a couple of months, my perspective on the Tamil-Sinhalese conflict slowly changed. I started seeing them as humans.

That’s when my friend insisted that I download the app “Hot or Not”. As I casually rated the men and women, I came across a handsome male that took my heart at first sight. A couple of days later, I received a message from Mr. Handsome (the Sinhalese)’

Unless ‘Hot or Not’ was a Tamil source – the young lady has the duty to go Multicultural beyond Sri Lankan or Tamil borders when it comes to marriage. By wanting to ‘prove’ to the Tamil community, this young lady is confirming that she has ‘taken-over’ or is intending to take-over the Sinhalese guy. Effectively it is reversal of majority power when we minorities become majority. It is confirmed also through actions against the older generation Tamils who copied culture to ‘show’ more than to experience. These are for the sake of ‘labels’. In that marriage – the Sinhalese would need to submit to his wife if he seeks a marriage of convenience. If he seeks to merge instead of being taken over – he needs to help his Tamil wife shed her ‘attachment’ to the Tamil community and the status it brings her. The more investment they make together in Common British (assuming that this couple are from the UK) values the more of the ethnic ‘frills’ they would eliminate. The more we focus on revenge – the stronger the investment in revere attacks and hence our stagnation at that level – resulting in groups like the LTTE and the ISIS. There are Tamils who are happy that LTTE is no longer there because they want to take that place and ‘tell’ the less educated Tamils by showing empathy with the ‘Tamil Cause’. If the real bondage is through self-governance/independence – they would treat the communities from which LTTE had its membership as their community and work their way up – as I am doing at Thunaivi – a toddy tapper village categorized as high risk zone by the Armed Forces of Sri Lanka. At Thunaivi – ‘I will kill you’ slogans are natural expressions of disagreement.

I limit my complaints to the Police according to that commitment demonstrated by the Police in that area, to law and order. The recent tragedy of the Police shooting to death two University students in Northern Province was read by me on the basis of Vaddukoddai Police who failed to take action against Security breaches on the basis that we did not provide ‘proof’. As more wealthy residents of Thunaivi – with higher lifestyle – we provided them with footage of CCTV recordings. They wanted just the last part – to produce which we had to rely heavily on the slow process of the  Supplier of the Camera Service in Jaffna town. Knowing the limits of the system helps us to bring about ‘closure’ and then the rest happens as per the system of Natural Justice. In turn I conclude that the Sinhalese Police also know of this ‘I will kill you’ attitude in such areas and are reluctant to inquire into complaints unless they think they are sure to ‘show’ victory. In Thunaivi where majority are driven by emotions – I draw the line of separation and do not bring their ‘internal conflicts’ into me. Likewise with women who have largely limited themselves to being domestics. Whether a wife is a home-maker or a domestic is determined by the ‘heritage’ she brings into and develops through that partnership.

Recently, a Sinhalese friend said to me to do ‘reading, knitting , or writing a book, playing computer games, watching mindless soap operas on TV instead of blogging’. The reason to my mind is because of the investment this friend made in me when I got married the first time – to one without academic or professional label of high value. That sticks and is used, to express disagreement at the emotional level – like the ‘I will kill you’ expressions of Thunaivi. The person who was killed in this instance was the Professional woman. When we are in ‘free environments’ the Truth manifests Itself. Where we are more separate than common – one whose mind is ‘still’ can ‘observe’ this by letting the other person think s/he (the observer) is the enemy / opposition. Hence the ‘freedom of expression’ in Parliament.

This friend said to me ‘spend more time with your grandkids and be less opinionated. Take life easy’.  Within my generation grandmothers – I have done all of the above and promoted myself to the higher level sharing of tutoring them in their areas of need where I am strong as per my assessment. Given my service to the Public – my grandmother-enjoyment  happens also through kid-students in Vaddukoddai who come running to our Opportunity Shop through which they get trained in how to be an orderly customer. Ownership plus the outer skill is the Opportunity. I take the experiences of many mothers – mostly Tamil - from Australia to  these kids towards their global thinking. Thus my grandkids have a strong foundation in global values. Recently my son said for me to go for walks and not sit in front of the computer all the time! When there is disagreement with the males in my family that is the second one they pick to find fault with. The first one is that I shout! Ask my followers in Vaddukoddai – and to them who shout at the drop of a hat – I am not a shouter.

 To my son who values my investment in my self-dignity more than anyone else known to me - I said that I did the housework as per my Jaffna  heritage which did not include external exercises like walking and jogging. Whether in Thunaivi or in Coogee – I go down on my knees to clean the floor; I cook with my grandmother in my mind as my guru. That is my home-making heritage and with it come my grandmother’s healthy genes. Once when counseling a Vaddukoddai client I asked him about what he had done to prepare himself for marriage with a professional wife? He said ‘cleaning the floor; washing the dishes etc’. He was blindly copying his mother who was process driven in home-making. On the other side I met a Anglo Sri Lankan couple in Vaddukoddai and later another in Colombo where  the White-British husbands were serving their professional looking wives. This is the risk for the British-Sinhalese community when their males marry Tamils like the above young lady who wants to ‘prove’. Love does not need any ‘proof’ even to oneself. Like Truth It just exists and activates Itself when we are in need. That is Divine power within. The above young lady is strongly attracted to this guy – including due to him being a Sinhalese whose importance was elevated by LTTE supporters, through their Opposition. Like the lonely armed forces in Vaddukoddai – this poor guy would lead an isolated life if the lady ‘takes-over’. They need to merge to become Multicultural. They would if they were truly in Love.

I believe I have this insight because I preserved my Sri Lankan Diversity to protect myself from takeovers by White-Australians and their followers including from Sri Lanka. The ones who are attached to the outer forms of culture – like language and religious labels – are the ones carrying the strongest risk of being participants of the takeover game. One who unjustly takes over in one game becomes the blind follower in the next. The games are defined through time or place borders.